In an unprecedented ecological and political development, a colossal, bioluminescent mushroom, now self-identified as ‘Mycelia Rex,’ has formally declared its sovereignty from Elmwood Park. The sentient fungus, which sprouted overnight near the park’s central fountain, reportedly communicated its intentions through a series of pulsating light patterns and low-frequency vibrations.
Park officials are baffled, with Head Ranger Brenda Peterson stating, “We’ve dealt with rogue squirrels and overly enthusiastic picnickers, but never a territorial fungus. Our botanical experts are currently examining Mycelia Rex, and we’re consulting with interspecies diplomats, though admittedly, our playbook for this is rather thin.”
The newly independent entity has already begun establishing territorial boundaries, subtly expanding its fungal network and emitting a peculiar, yet not unpleasant, earthy aroma. Local residents are cautiously optimistic, with some viewing Mycelia Rex as a benevolent guardian and others concerned about potential spore-related invasions of their gardens.